In conclusion....

It's over.

Done.

Finished.

No more.

The 100 Day Heart Challenge over, but don't count me out yet. 

I would be lying if I said I was totally happy with my end results. Peggy looked at me at the dinner and said "Do you think we took last place if they called our names first?"  I am not sure if we did or not but if we did I guess the only place to go from there is up.  Right?

So while the chapter of the 100DHC closes, another one begins. 

My husband and I are going to run a bunch of 5k's this summer and run a couple of 1/2 marathons in the fall.  If your interested in joining us shoot me an email and I will give you the specifics.  Thanks again for all your kind words and encouragement.  It was a great help along the way:)

I think I am going to keep blogging here..  Somewhere to jot down my thoughts and let you know how the training is coming along.  If your interested check in once in a while and see how it's going.

Kristen

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!

FINALLY!!!

THIS MORNING I RAN 3.2 MILES. 

I RAN.

THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.

THE ENTIRE 3.2!

I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING SOMEWHERE.

FINALLY!

WAY TO GO ME!


(NOW LET'S HOPE I CAN WALK TOMORROW)

What I think we need here is a little perspective.....and maybe a new picture.

Last week I gained weight. 

Shocker.

I stewed about it all last week and complained and complained about it this week.  I, I, I, I was all I could think about. Me, me, me.

Yesterday was a game changer for me.  Not so much in my weight, but in life.  Perspective, it's a funny thing.  Isn't it amazing how one thing can change the way you look at life.

Yesterday started out as a normal day.  Get up and get going.  I usually get up and read the newspaper, including the obituaries.  I noticed a picture of a brand new baby and it made my heart sink.  As I started to read the obituary I noticed it just wasn't for the baby it was also for her mother.  As I read further I realized I knew the the mother.  She had been a classmate of mine in school.  When I graduated from high school there were 760 kids in my graduating class.  There were a lot of kids and we were in totally different social circles, but I knew her.    She leaves behind a husband and three small children. 

As I thought about this yesterday and last night I realized a few things about life.

1.  I need to do the best I can right now and not wait until tomorrow because tomorrow may never come.

2. I need to quit worrying so much about myself and focus on the bigger picture in life.  My husband, my kids, our families.  

3. I need to take care of myself so that I can have as many tomorrows as I possibly can.

And on, and on, and on........

I may not be perfect now, or ever, but I am going to make sure that I take advantage of every tomorrow.

Speed bumps

I weighed myself today.  I "officially" gained 2 pounds this week.  That's better than I thought it would be.  I just have to get back in the saddle and make sure that I do whatever I need to do to get that number to fall in the other direction.  I also can't forget about the other positive changes I have continued to make. I feel better, my waist is smaller, I can walk up the stairs without being winded.  These are all positive changes.  I just need to remember all my hard work will pay off....eventually. 

Um....

Apparently you can gain 4 pounds in one week. 

Excuse me while I go shed a few tears of frustration.

Owe...owe....owe.

I hurt.

After running yesterday and running again this morning, I hurt.

BAD!

My body isn't used to the running yet and it sure is letting me know it's not happy.

Does anyone have a heating pad I can borrow?

Or maybe it's just old age.

Either way I need drugs.  ASAP.

Mediocrity isn't so bad.

Today was the day.

Katrina made us do a 5k on the treadmill.  I have done it before on the treadmill at the gym so I knew what it was going to be like but this time was different.  This time I....

wait for it......

RAN. That's right folks.  This time I actually ran.  

A lot.  Like 43 minutes of the 50 minutes it took to finish.

And it made me feel like running the 5k in a month is going to be possible.
I may not be the fastest fat chick on the block, but I can do it. 


At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself until I cross the finish line. 

I think I can...I think I can...I think I can....

A few items of business have been rolling around in my head today.  

1.  Day 76 and I still have a long way to go.  I am kinda nervous about this being over because my having to answer to someone else is keeping me motivated at this stage of the journey.

2.  Why do new things have to be so hard.  I am very comfortable with what I am able to do when we are at the gym with Katrina, but the second I step into a different gym I get all freaked out and have no idea what I should or need to be doing.  It makes me nervous for when this is all over.  Last weekend I took my husband with me to the gym and the local meatheads stared at the fat chick the whole time I was trying to workout because apparently I "need" to be working out but not with them around.   One guy stared at me the whole time and it made me very uncomfortable.  Jerk!

3.  I sent my weekly check in to Traci on Monday and her reply was: 

"You would be happy to know that some of the other participants have commented on how impressive your workouts are.  Way to give it your all when you're in the gym!"

I just wanted to say thanks to whomever offered the kind words.  I really made a difference in my attitude this week.

4.  I read THIS story in the news today.  It really made me sad.  It's amazing how someone flippant comment can hurt someone's feelings even when they aren't involved.  

5.  I don't think I have any shot at winning with competition, but I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow from it.   And also reap the benefits from my hard work.
  

Shout out...

Just a quick note to congratulate Katrina on her graduation from "the" BYU.  School, work, doing this internship and being pregnant has made the last few months pretty stressful.  

Thanks for putting up with me, your hard work and kind words over the last 75 days.  

Now go take a nap!!!!

Celebrating Mediocrity

One of my favorite Disney movies is The Incredible's.   I love the idea of having secret superpowers.  When I was little I always wanted to be able to fly or make myself invisible. 

Are wondering why I am talking about some random kids movie?  One of my favorite exchanges in the movie comes when Bob and Helen are taking about Dash and his 4th grade graduation...

               Bob Parr: It's not a graduation. He's moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
               Helen Parr: It's a ceremony.
               Bob Parr: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity.

Well...today folks we are celebrating mediocrity. 

At least I am.  You can join if you would like.

Yesterday I went running.  Scratch that...I tried to run.   I have never EVER been a runner.  To be honest, I HATE RUNNING.  I always thought people who run "for fun" were (are) crazy.  But yesterday I tried and today I am celebrating.  It's been along time since I can say I actually ran.  But yesterday at the gym I ran. Now before you get all excited and want to jump for joy with me, I have to admit I only ran 3/4 of a mile.  The legacy center has an indoor track that is an 1/8 mile track.  Yesterday I  ran 6 out of 8 of laps. 

{{{{{{{{Are you doing cartwheels down the hall yet?}}}}}}}}}}}

The reason that I am celebrating my mediocrity is because before the 100HC, I don't think I could have even run 1/2 a lap let alone 6 of them.   It actually felt good to be able to run (even if it is at a snails pace) and to be able to pass people on the track.  I felt like maybe there is hope for me after all.

So today I celebrate a small achievment and hope maybe someday I can run a whole mile...or two.



(I think I will celebrate by eating a cookie.....)

Kinda freaking out....

Today is day 69.

I think I need another 100 days or so to make sure that I am going to be able to do this on my own.

In other news, I lifted weights with my husband over the weekend.  I had a great time spending time with him and working out.  Since he's not my partner in this challenge he was surprised at some of the stuff I am able to do. The biggest surprise came when I was able to bench press 120 pounds for 10 reps.  I was proud of myself.  I probably could have done more if my arms weren't so tired from the other things that I had done.  I haven't lifted a ton of free weights since we started doing this because I go to the gym by myself but I think now I have gotten a taste of what I am able to do I kind of want to do some more and see what all I can do.  I guess we are going to start having date night at the gym.

Last week was Spring Break and we spent the weekend at my in-laws.  I had a great time even if I did eat too much popcorn. I was able to go walking with my MIL in the development they live in.  We walked from their house down to the entrance of the development and back.  The thing about it is they live in Mountain Green up in the mountains.  The walking path we took was about 3 miles roundtrip with  several hundred feet elevation change to the bottom.  I walked the same thing last summer and had to stop several times because my legs hurt, but this time I made it.  I enjoyed being able to hike back to their house and feel like my lungs weren't on fire or that my legs were going to fall off.  It was good to accomplish something that was so hard the last time I did it.  And I was excited because we did the whole thing in 47 minutes.  

I still continue to lose weight, just not at the rate I would like.  So far I have lost about 15 pounds and I have lost several inches from my waist but still would like to lose some more before we finish up.  I am going to start running on the treadmill or track more to prepare (usually I just stick to the elliptical) for our 5K.  I really would like to finish the 5K in 40-45 minutes.  I think if I work hard on the running part I can come close to that number.

I know I have made several changes for the good am feeling better everyday.  

New, different and delicious.

I have been cruising the internets (as my mom likes to call it) looking for new, different and delicious food and last night I made my family try something totally different.  And they loved it.

Zucchini Pizza Boat.
(That is what I am calling them.)

I took a zucchini, cut it half and took the seeds out.  I filled the boat with a little pizza sauce (about 2T.) threw some cheese on next (about 1T.) and top it with our favorite pizza toppings and baked at 350* until the zucchini was soft (about 30 minutes).
I loved them and the kids loved them too.  The two older boys ate two which was an entire zucchini.  I made mine with tomatoes and fresh basil and they were delicious.    I love pizza and this was a great alternative to the crazy carb and calorie filled cousin.  

Small changes=big changes in the long run.  
  

The best you can.

Today was one of those days.   You know  those days.


My kids are home on Spring Break and they were making sure I knew they were home together.   They are good kids, but sometimes they need a break from each other. 

Today I felt like that with my workout.  I worked out for 90 minutes everyday last week and today I just couldn't do it.  I got to the gym and didn't have "it" in me.  I got on the elliptical and went as long as I could  but after a few minutes,  I realized the gym and I needed a day away from each other.  I worked hard for the 35 minutes and was happy I got that much done.  I got sweaty and nasty and I my body could tell I got some kind of workout.  As I drove home I thought about how much time I have been at the gym and realized it was ok to take today off.  I just couldn't do it for 90 minutes today.

I think I need to remember to just do the best I can everyday everything will fall into place whether I am at the gym 90 minutes or 30 minutes. 

Grumble...Grumble...Grumble....and some info.

Hello Friends.

I thought I would give you a little peak at what I have been up to regarding my workout.  I think I am learning to enjoy going, but really dread it every day.  I look forward to the time away from my kids, but end up feeling totally guilty about leaving them with my husband for so long.  On the days that I work out with Katrina I am gone for about 3 hours and the days that I go by myself I am gone for about 2 hours.  I think they feel like I have abandoned them, but I know that I am doing this for the right reason.  I want want to be healthy.  I want to be fit.  But most of all I want my kids to know that I am doing this for them.  I want to be with them for as long as I can and being overweight and unhealthy will shorten our time together. 

So my workouts for this week have included:
Monday-90 minutes with Katrina.  (Hi Katrina, thanks for hanging with us.  Now get back to work.)
Tuesday-90 minutes at the gym.  60 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the bike.
Wednesday-75 minutes at the gym. 45 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the bike.  (I cut my workout short because I had to get to Relief Society.)
Thursday-90 minutes at the gym.  60 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the bike.
Friday-90 minutes with Katrina.  (I complained to much on Friday.  Sorry Katrina.)
Saturday-90 minutes at the gym.  30 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the bike and 45 minutes on the elliptical.

I feel like I am doing well.  I am getting stronger and my energy is up, but after all of this working out guess how much weight I lost this week?  2 pounds?  5 pounds? 

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

NONE!!!!!
No weight loss....so frustrating!!!!!!!!!
So I am going to push on and hope someday I drop some LBS.  

Now on to bigger and better things....
I know I have a few people who read this who aren't participants of the challenge so I thought I would post the info about our 5K. 
Please join us run our little hearts out (I don't know how much running will be done by me but I will finish the 5K in a decent time.   I am putting my money on Mark or Cressent to win out of our Challenge group.)  So if you want to join in a good cause go HERE to register.  We would love to have you.  Just one rule...you can't laugh at me....
 

Size 14

My Wedding Day Dec. 2000

 

 

 

The last time I bought something that was a size 14 it was my wedding dress 10 1/2 years ago.  I fluctuated between a 12 and 14 for about 2 years before I got married.   After I got married I gained 40 pounds in about 8 months.  In a nutshell, the reason for my weight gain was inactivity and what I ate.  My husband and I worked opposite shifts when we first got married leaving me home alone 6 nights a week.  After sitting at a desk at my job, I would come home and sit by myself and eat.  When I got pregnant with our first son I weighed just a few pounds shy of 200 pounds and with each addition to our family my waistline has grown as well. 

After having our third son I was reading in the newspaper about how popular skydiving was becoming again.  I wanted to do it.  I wanted to jump from a plane and enjoy the rush of adrenaline and everything that came with it.  The only problem....my weight.  They have a strict weight limit to be able to jump and I was well over the limit.  I mentioned something about it to my mom one day and her response was "If you lose 60 pounds I will pay for you to do."  It was great motivation and I thought it would be a great way to celebrate my upcoming 30th birthday.  Well, my birthday came and went without that magically freeing dive.  In the 6 months before my birthday I had only lost about 10 pounds.  

Are you wondering where I am going with this??

The other day I started thinking about that conversation I had with my mom two years ago.  I was having a hard time staying motivated.  My weight loss has not been what I would like it to be.  I know I have been working hard at the gym and trying to eat better.  I need something to look forward to.  Something I can work towards.  So while at my mom's house the other night I got up the nerve to talk to her about it again.  I asked her if the offer still stood.  Her response to me was "I will pay for it when you can fit into a size 14."    Now I know that bribery isn't always the best way to get thing a done, but I am going to take this and run.  I want to go skydiving, but I just don't want to pay for it. 
I know I have a long road ahead of me still, but now I have something to look forward to...

P.S.  Does anyone want to join me?

Spice up dinner (and other meals).

Part of this journey has become about finding new and better food.  New things that are delicious AND healthy.  I like food, but I like good and different food even better. 

So my question for you out in blogland:  What kind of delicious healthy food are you giving your family? 

I need some new and exciting recipes to get me through the next 45 days.

Getting past "I CAN'T"

Sorry about the last blog post. I was in a downer mood.  Could you tell?  Anyhoo...on to bigger and better things.

Long before the 100 DHC came along I knew I needed to change.  There were always reasons (excuses) that I couldn't make it happen.  Days would come and go and nothing would change.  Through these times the thing that would hold me back were the two words "I Can't".  I can't go to the gym because of the kids and even if I did go to the gym I am too fat/uncoordinated to do anything there.  I can't buy these deliciously health foods because my kids won't eat them.  I can't take time to take care of my self because it takes time away from my kids and husband.  The word CAN'T was taking over my life. 

Over the last 45 days I have learned that I can.  I can take time for myself because it's important not only for my body but for my mind.  I can buy healthy, delicious food and my family will eat it.  While it maybe hard at first, I can do different things to work my body other than just the treadmill or elliptical.   Last week I tried something new: Kickboxing.  It was a challenge but I made it through the workouts.  I was really sore the next day but it was okay because I know that I had worked hard.  There were somethings I couldn't do exactly like they were doing but I figured out how to make the necessary adjustments and still got a great workout. 

I just need to remember that I can do anything as long as I try. 

I'm in for the long haul.

Let's be frank...I have at least 100 pounds to lose, maybe closer to 120.

There.  I said it.

Let's be honest that's A LOT of weight.  We are talking "Biggest Loser" kinda weight loss.  For a long time I have been in denial about how heavy I have let myself become.  But as I sit and write this blog I know NOW is the time.  Now is the time I am going lose this weight.  Now is the time to stop holding myself back because of my weight.  Now is the time I am going to stop hiding myself in my apartment because I am ashamed at what I have become.

I have always been heavy.  ALWAYS.  From some of my earliest memories my Grandma, who I am built just like, always said we weren't fat, we were "sturdy" women.  My brother that was just older that I was always knew what to say to make me feel like I was fat.  Some of his favorite rude words included "thunder thighs" "beached whale" or when I walked by he would "Mooooo" at me.  And then there were rough years of junior high and high school.  While being a size 12/14 wasn't huge,  I wasn't a size 4/6.  I never dated, even when some of my best friends were boys, because I was always the "best friend" never the "girl friend".  While I would like to think it was something else, I am sure it was because of my weight.

Looking back now I know I have become overweight because of my relationship with food.  My relationship with food has ruled my world.  We could talk forever about what my problems with food are but to some it up, food was my friend.   When I would have hard times in life, I always turned to food. Food never made fun of me.  Food was always there when nobody else was.  Food never let me down.

Now is the time to change my relationship with food.  If I am going to lose this weight and become the person that I want to be food my become fuel for my body and not an excuse. 

Feeling down...

Why do certain things in life have to be so hard?
I have really been struggling lately with my emotions.  It has been really hard not to fall back into old habits of emotional eating.  To be honest I have let my feeling get the better of me more than once in the last few weeks.   I guess there is so much more I need to work on and work through before things will get easier.

What do I need to do to get this under control because all I am doing is sabatoging myself?

What do you do to help with emotional eating?

What happens in Vegas...

I am headed to Vegas for a couple of days.  Wish me luck.

(P.S.  Katrina my arms have hurt so much today.  I think your continuous set worked.  Let's not ever do those again.  Thanks  :)

Sweat

Over the last 25 days I have learned that a good workout with lots of sweat will make you feel better about life. 

Why is that?

Love/Hate Relationships

I have a love/hate relationship with the scale.  I love it when it flashes a smaller number and I hate it when that number is higher than I would like it to be.   Out of habit I have been weighing myself every morning before my shower.  And for the last little while it has created nothing but frustration.  I know that I have had a few rough days with my food consumption, but I have been working out 6 days a week for at least 45 minutes, but usually it's closer to an hour.  Not seeing the scale move in the down direction has been a huge source of frustration for me.  So after a long talk with myself and bugging my husband with the same question (does it look like I have lost any weight?), I have decided to put the scale away.   I know for a fact over the last three weeks of working with Katrina (Hi, Katrina thanks for reading. Thanks for pushing me.) I have become physically stronger, mentally stronger, and for the first time in a lot of years I am actually running on the treadmill.  I decided at the beginning of this that I wasn't going to let the scale dictate how I feel and for a while I let it.  STARTING NOW, I AM DONE WITH THE SCALE.  I am done with the worry over if I have lost or gained.  Does my butt still look huge?  Yes, and it will be for awhile.  Am I still turtle-like on the treadmill?  Yes, I think I will always be that way.  But for right now, I am just going to work hard.  I am going to work hard on not eating everything in sight.  I am going to work hard on choosing good, healthy food for myself and for my family. I am going to work hard everyday at the gym and know that my hard work will get me one day closer to where I want to be.  I am not going to let the scale dictate how I feel about myself.  I am going to work hard so I know that I am going everything I can to be healthy and strong. I am going to learn to love myself not matter what the number on the scale says.  So to my trusty black scale...please go jump in the lake.

Why?

Yesterday I had a great workout. I walked on the treadmill.  I lifted many pound worth of weights. I pushed myself on the elliptical and bike.  I left the gym feeling like I had done a good days worth of working out.

And then I ruined it all by eating to much while watching the BYU/SDSU basketball game.  The cheese tray kept calling my name and I kept answering.  I ate 9 oz of cheese.  Yes, NINE OUNCES.  One half pound.  I know, I can't believe I did that either.  I swore I was going to be better and then my husband wanted to go out without the kids.  I swore I was going to be so good and then I discovered the deliciousness that is Naan.  Indian Flatbread. The warm garlic Naan called and I answered again.  What was I thinking?  I don't know.  I just know that in 10 hours I was able to undo an entire week full of hard work and sweat. 

What was I thinking?

I'm a people watcher...

Since the beginning of the year I had been working out (walking with my 2 year old in the stroller) on a pretty regular schedule.  I had noticed that the same people were showing up at the same time.  There was the girl who ran really fast with green earphone wires tucked into her ponytail.  The cute old couple who would hold hands as they walked.  There was the kinda creepy guy who carried a portable CD player with him ( didn't know they still had those).  Now, I know that everyone is different and has different workout routines and quirks, but since I have been going to work out when my husband gets home I have discovered a different group of interesting individuals.

I have lovingly named these folks from my observations over the last few weeks....

The crazy treadmill hog...This older gentleman arrives in his street clothes.  He enters the cardio room and scopes out his favorite treadmill.  Surprisingly the same treadmill is always available...it must know he is coming.  He steps up on the treadmill and unpacks his gym bag...two white gym towel thrown over the control panel.  One bottle of Costco water placed in the cubbie on the right side.  His cell phone and earphones are placed in the left cubbie.  He then looks over the control panel and turns the treadmill on.  He stands and watches it for a minute, gets off the treadmill and leave the cardio room.  I guess he thinks if its running while he is changing no one will take his treadmill (it usually takes about 10 minutes to get back from changing his clothes.)

The loud breather...this guy gets on an elliptical and goes all out.  The only problem with this guy is the loud rhythmic breathing.  Every other time his right foot goes down he lets out a loud "HUH".  Only the right foot and only every other time. 

The kid I wonder about...This very tall and very thin young man shows up at the gym wearing a beanie and a hoodie.  He works out for about 4 minutes on a piece of equipment and the switches to the next one.  He never finds a grove, he just bounces from one place to another.   I just wonder what he gets out of hopping all over.

I know we are all there for the same reason, but sometimes I just wonder about people. (I wonder what people think of the fat girl who sweats way too much(me)?

In other news, I finally feel like I have found a groove in the cardio room.  I have had a hard time with cardio because I find it REALLY boring.  I think about all the other things I could be doing other than sweating to death on the elliptical.  Over the last couple of weeks of working out on a consistent basis I feel like I could learn to enjoy it.  I have noticed that it is getting easier and my body is learning what it needs to do to be successful.  I have been working hard and I really hope that my body will respond sooner rather than later.

Being Real...

We are almost 2 weeks into this and I feel like I haven't made any progress.  Last week I worked out 6 out of 7 days for at least 45 minutes and really paid attention to what I was eating.  I know this will be a process, but I would really like some instant gratification to keep me going. I think I just need some reassurance that my hard work and neglect of my family will pay off.

So to keep things real, I have decided to post what I eat online for the whole world to see as a way of being held accountable for what I am doing.  Today is day 13 of our little adventure and in those 13 days the only sweet treats I have had are 2 Toosie Pop suckers from my kids Valentine's loot and I indulged in a Raspberry Sherbet cone at the BYU Creamery on Saturday.  I feel like I am doing a great job of staying away from the treats and I need to focus on the other things I am eating.  So here's what I ate yesterday...

Breakfast:  1/2 c. vanilla yogurt with 1/2 c. blueberries and 1/4 c. granola

Snack: 1 Banana

Lunch: 1 Ham and Cheese sandwich on whole wheat and a Mango

Snack:  5 baby dill pickles

Dinner: 3 Small cabbage rolls with 8 spears of oven roasted asparagus

After we put the kids to bed, my husband and I watched part of Inception so I made a bowl of air-popped popcorn with 1 Tbl of melted butter for the whole bowl.

I think overall I did pretty well for the day.  I think I need to try and add more protein into my diet to even things out.  What do you think?

Old habits...

I have been thinking the last few days about habits.  They say "Old habits die hard" and for the last 7 days I have been living proof of this.  It's hard not to wonder into the kitchen and grab the first thing I see.  And it's hard not to stop by my favorite convenience store and bring home a cup filled with my favorite fizzy drink.  But it's these habit that put me in the situation I am in and need to learn to create new, healthy habits from this day forward. 

It's hard to admit, but for a long-time food has been my best friend.  Food has become the thing I have turned to when I feel sad, lonely, depressed, stressed and even to celebrate the happy times.  Food has been the thing that no matter how bad or good things are, it's always there.  I have come to the realization that I need to recognize food as fuel for my body and not a way to dull or numb my feelings.  

I realized that many of the emotional struggles I deal with won't go away in this short 100 days, but I am hoping that this 100 days will give me the tools to fight a winning battle and not give into those old habits again.

Is this thing on?

Hello.

Is anyone out there?

I thought I would introduce myself to you all.

I was raised in American Fork.  My parents have lived in the same house for 40 years.
I have been married to my husband for 10 years.  His name is Nathan.
We have 3 sons.  Ethan, 8  Jensen, 5  Breyton, 2
I enjoy sewing/crafting and cooking.
My vices are Diet Pepsi and chocolate.
I am very excited to be part of this 100 day Heart Challenge.

Day 1:
I am nervous. I know I have a long road ahead of me even after this 100 days is over.

I know I need to be healthy for my kids.  I know I need to be healthy for my husband.  Most of important I need to be healthy for me.  I need to love myself.    As these 100 days pass, I hope I don't take this opportunity for granted and really do learn all that I can to make my future a more healthy one.