Getting past "I CAN'T"

Sorry about the last blog post. I was in a downer mood.  Could you tell?  Anyhoo...on to bigger and better things.

Long before the 100 DHC came along I knew I needed to change.  There were always reasons (excuses) that I couldn't make it happen.  Days would come and go and nothing would change.  Through these times the thing that would hold me back were the two words "I Can't".  I can't go to the gym because of the kids and even if I did go to the gym I am too fat/uncoordinated to do anything there.  I can't buy these deliciously health foods because my kids won't eat them.  I can't take time to take care of my self because it takes time away from my kids and husband.  The word CAN'T was taking over my life. 

Over the last 45 days I have learned that I can.  I can take time for myself because it's important not only for my body but for my mind.  I can buy healthy, delicious food and my family will eat it.  While it maybe hard at first, I can do different things to work my body other than just the treadmill or elliptical.   Last week I tried something new: Kickboxing.  It was a challenge but I made it through the workouts.  I was really sore the next day but it was okay because I know that I had worked hard.  There were somethings I couldn't do exactly like they were doing but I figured out how to make the necessary adjustments and still got a great workout. 

I just need to remember that I can do anything as long as I try. 

I'm in for the long haul.

Let's be frank...I have at least 100 pounds to lose, maybe closer to 120.

There.  I said it.

Let's be honest that's A LOT of weight.  We are talking "Biggest Loser" kinda weight loss.  For a long time I have been in denial about how heavy I have let myself become.  But as I sit and write this blog I know NOW is the time.  Now is the time I am going lose this weight.  Now is the time to stop holding myself back because of my weight.  Now is the time I am going to stop hiding myself in my apartment because I am ashamed at what I have become.

I have always been heavy.  ALWAYS.  From some of my earliest memories my Grandma, who I am built just like, always said we weren't fat, we were "sturdy" women.  My brother that was just older that I was always knew what to say to make me feel like I was fat.  Some of his favorite rude words included "thunder thighs" "beached whale" or when I walked by he would "Mooooo" at me.  And then there were rough years of junior high and high school.  While being a size 12/14 wasn't huge,  I wasn't a size 4/6.  I never dated, even when some of my best friends were boys, because I was always the "best friend" never the "girl friend".  While I would like to think it was something else, I am sure it was because of my weight.

Looking back now I know I have become overweight because of my relationship with food.  My relationship with food has ruled my world.  We could talk forever about what my problems with food are but to some it up, food was my friend.   When I would have hard times in life, I always turned to food. Food never made fun of me.  Food was always there when nobody else was.  Food never let me down.

Now is the time to change my relationship with food.  If I am going to lose this weight and become the person that I want to be food my become fuel for my body and not an excuse. 

Feeling down...

Why do certain things in life have to be so hard?
I have really been struggling lately with my emotions.  It has been really hard not to fall back into old habits of emotional eating.  To be honest I have let my feeling get the better of me more than once in the last few weeks.   I guess there is so much more I need to work on and work through before things will get easier.

What do I need to do to get this under control because all I am doing is sabatoging myself?

What do you do to help with emotional eating?

What happens in Vegas...

I am headed to Vegas for a couple of days.  Wish me luck.

(P.S.  Katrina my arms have hurt so much today.  I think your continuous set worked.  Let's not ever do those again.  Thanks  :)

Sweat

Over the last 25 days I have learned that a good workout with lots of sweat will make you feel better about life. 

Why is that?

Love/Hate Relationships

I have a love/hate relationship with the scale.  I love it when it flashes a smaller number and I hate it when that number is higher than I would like it to be.   Out of habit I have been weighing myself every morning before my shower.  And for the last little while it has created nothing but frustration.  I know that I have had a few rough days with my food consumption, but I have been working out 6 days a week for at least 45 minutes, but usually it's closer to an hour.  Not seeing the scale move in the down direction has been a huge source of frustration for me.  So after a long talk with myself and bugging my husband with the same question (does it look like I have lost any weight?), I have decided to put the scale away.   I know for a fact over the last three weeks of working with Katrina (Hi, Katrina thanks for reading. Thanks for pushing me.) I have become physically stronger, mentally stronger, and for the first time in a lot of years I am actually running on the treadmill.  I decided at the beginning of this that I wasn't going to let the scale dictate how I feel and for a while I let it.  STARTING NOW, I AM DONE WITH THE SCALE.  I am done with the worry over if I have lost or gained.  Does my butt still look huge?  Yes, and it will be for awhile.  Am I still turtle-like on the treadmill?  Yes, I think I will always be that way.  But for right now, I am just going to work hard.  I am going to work hard on not eating everything in sight.  I am going to work hard on choosing good, healthy food for myself and for my family. I am going to work hard everyday at the gym and know that my hard work will get me one day closer to where I want to be.  I am not going to let the scale dictate how I feel about myself.  I am going to work hard so I know that I am going everything I can to be healthy and strong. I am going to learn to love myself not matter what the number on the scale says.  So to my trusty black scale...please go jump in the lake.